How to Write an AR Fanfic that Doesn't Suck
by Castaway5
Summary: Tired of of reading the same stories over and over again, or clicking the back button because your eyes are bleeding from reading a crappy story? Then read this guide and live by it. Seriously. Read this story.
1. Tips and Alex Rider

Hello everyone. I've written this guide because I'm sick of reading the same thing over and over again. The same cliches have been going on for as long as I can remember and I've been on this site for a long time. There is little to no originality and its time someone told you that. I know that there are others who share my opinion; just as there will people who treat this story as a personal attack on their story.

You know what? It is.

I'd like to say a huge thank you to **Camnstarr4eva** for going over this story and inserting her thoughts. You totally deserve cake. If you haven't read her story Back in the Mix, then you live under a rock.

**Disclaimer**: If I could make money on this I would.

* * *

How to Write an Alex Rider Fanfic that Doesn't Suck

_1. How to get people to notice your story._

If you want readers, then you're going to have to capture their interest by writing a good summary. This sound obvious enough, but you'd be surprised at the amount of bull shit that pops up.

Example: alex is forced to live with k unit. I suck are summaries but the story is different than usual! This is my first story so be NICE! :)

First off, capitalize names. To be able to read the Alex Rider series, you need at least a fifth grade reading level, and I'm pretty sure they teach capitalization in the fifth grade.

Do not tell me that you suck at summaries. If you can't write a single sentence that looks cool or exciting, then chances are your story isn't going to be either cool or exciting. Whatever the story is about, you must have at least one good part in it. Take that part and use it as the summary.

Example: Alex stared into the dimly lit room, his face twisted into a look of shock and fear. What he saw changed everything. They were all going to die.

See what I did there? That was a stroke of literary genius. I could write an entire story just around those three sentences.

It's your first story? Congratulations! Too bad I don't give rat's ass. Telling me what I should do isn't going to make me be nice either. If I like your story, then I'll tell you so. If not, then I'm going to hit the back button and let someone else lie. If you want to tell people, "Hey, this is my first story, so if anyone has any pointers, that would be great" then awesome. But for goodness sake don't put it in the summary. It oozes the fact that you're not confident with your writing.

If you're writing an AR fic, then chances are you should rate it T for teen. If you really want to be goody-two-shoes, then go ahead and put K. T covers a lot of ground. You can cuss all you want, and kill whoever you want. Rate your story M if there is either graphic sex, or brutal torture, or both.

Length is also important. A lot of noobs (Including me, once upon a time) write short chapters of only a couple of hundred words. Unless it's a prologue, each chapter should be at least a thousand words. A couple hundred reeks of inexperience.

Do not put Author Notes (AN) in the middle of your story. If you need to, put a (1), and then explain it at the bottom of the page. Explaining something interrupts the flow of the story.

* * *

_2. How to Write Alex Rider_

Hi, my name is Alex Rider. I'm fifteen, but in most of the books I'm fourteen, so let's pretend I'm fourteen for a minute. Got that? Are you sure? I look like a kid, y'know? Not like I'm sixteen or nineteen. Fourteen. Because if I looked nineteen, then I wouldn't be forced to go on any stupid missions. That would defeat the purpose of looking like a kid…

I have read too many stories where K Unit is all like, "What? Cub is only fourteen? I though he was nineteen or something!" If he was nineteen then there would be no reason for Wolf to hate him. Brecon Beacons is the first training stage for those who wish to join the SAS. If he was nineteen, no one would think twice about him being there, since he couldn't be much younger than most of the new recruits. If he looked older then Alex really was, then he wouldn't be sent out on missions posing as a fucking kid. I understand that stress/trauma and make a person look/feel/act older, but that's different than actually looking five years older. You would still see a fourteen year old, but a fourteen year old who felt slightly off. It's not a literal change, and only those who knew Alex beforehand would notice.

Now about Alex. He has blonde/brown hair, and brown eyes. That's all you need to say about him. According to Alex Rider Wiki, he plays football, tennis, and basketball. He's a black belt. A black belt does not mean you can beat up anyone. Ever read the Cherub series? Those kids are several different kinds of black belts, and they still can get overpowered. Alex is a kid and it's not hard to overpower a kid. Make Alex as dangerous as you want, but please keep it realistic. He can't take down twenty men with his bare hands.

Now for the bullet wound. For some reason it's a favorite topic on this section. Alex was shot near the heart. Yes, this was a huge wound and a big deal, but it didn't stop Alex from going on a mission literally straight from the hospital. In the books that follow him getting the wound, it's mentioned about twice, and doesn't really affect him in too great a way. It's not his Achilles heel, so please get over it. Yes, it's a secret, but not one that will kill him if someone punches him there.

Everyone on this board seems to think that Alex's school completely hates him and that he does drugs. Crocodile Tears proved this wrong and showed that Alex actually has friends besides Tom. Fact is, lots of kids do drugs and people don't hate them for it. Whoever came up with the gang idea is stupid. No one cares that Alex misses school.

As for Rider's talents, his Uncle pretty much taught him everything under the sun. Alex is in great shape, but this doesn't mean he can go out and run ten miles like it's nothing (Yes, I have read this multiple times). I run cross country. I've run ten miles plenty of times, and I can tell you that football/soccer players can't do that. I've seen them try, and they can't even make it half way. I dare you right now, go out and run a couple miles. No breaks, ten full miles, as fast as you can. Alex can't do this, so please don't make his entire class do it (See chapter on Breacon Beacons).

Alex is a teenage guy, so that means he does teenage guy stuff. Please don't have him reading Twilight in his spare time. Video games, sports, movies, and girls. Keep it simple all right?

Teenagers are snarky. When Alex is about to be tortured and or killed, he should be doing everything he can to get out of the situation. When Alex is faced with a tough challenge, he does not say, "Darn it!" Alex says, "Shit!" like every other teenager about to be gunned down by a machine gun. If you don't want swear words in your story, say that Alex swore softly, or did so in his head.

Lastly, don't be afraid to kill Alex. Let's face it, his life sucks. You're practically doing him a favor. If you have an idea for the end of the story, don't be afraid on how people judge you for it. In this kind of situation, I highly doubt that Alex Rider's death will ever be in vain. It's his job to save the world after all.

* * *

If you hate me, then that means you've learned something. Flames are welcome, I wouldn't have posted this story otherwise.


	2. Yassen, Jack, and Tom

Here are three character profiles. Please use them.

* * *

_3. Yassen_

We all love our favorite assassin, and it's a pity he's dead. A common trope to bring Yassen back to life to cause all kinds of mayhem. That's cool and all; he's a cool guy. But just because we think he's a cool guy doesn't mean Alex thinks so. Yassen killed his Uncle. If Ian hadn't died, then Alex wouldn't have been forced into the shit he was. Yassen doesn't kill kids, but that doesn't mean Yassen is a good guy. He kills people for money and Alex hates him. He doesn't want to be his friend, or friendenemies.

If Alex and Yassen were locked in a room they wouldn't be all chummy (There are a lot of other things they wouldn't be doing, but I am NOT getting into that in this guide). Alex and Yassen would work together because they don't have a choice. Yassen might have a sick twisted attachment with Alex, but the attachment only runs as far as his general health. He still blew Ian away without a second thought.

Unlike Alex, Yassen is a lot better trained, a lot more ruthless, and you can have him do just about anything you want him to. Make an impossible shot, take on six men at once, paint a lovely sunset, fact is we don't know much about Yassen except he's a BAMF.

* * *

_4. Jack_

Jack is Jack. She has red hair in the books, and blond in the movie. She's not a great cook, and although she means well, she's not the best guardian the world has ever seen. We learn the most about Jack in Eagle Strike and Scorpia Rising, and in my opinion she's an average person. It is said that Alex views her in a sisterly way, and I'm sure she feels the same way about Alex.

Jack isn't crazy. Don't make her crazy. She's not super unpredictable, she's just average. The only thing that she's different in is that she's American, and it's not as if that's a big deal, given her role in the story.

* * *

_5. Tom_

"Hi Alex, almost die recently?" Tom, in case you haven't read the actual series and for some reason only likes to read random fanfics about teenage spies, is Alex's best friend. On this site, Tom has been described in every form, including being black. Tom is short, blue eyes, black haired, has a brother who conveniently lives near an old Scorpia hideout, and whose parents are going through a divorce. He is captain of the football team and in the last book got shot in the arm.

On this site, Tom is often just as crazy as Jack. Usually he is described as someone who knows Alex's secret and goes through a lot of stress about keeping it. That about him at least makes sense, but when writing about him try and imagine a guy you're friends with and write him like that.


	3. Alan Blunt and Tulip Jones

__Betas exist for a reason. Use them.

* * *

_6. Alan Blunt_

Which of these is the real Blunt?

A. "Blunt raised an eyebrow."

B. "Blunt's eyes showed surprise."

C. "Blunt's mouth twitched."

D. Blunt sat in his chair and looked at Alex, showing no emotion whatsoever.

Alan Blunt is blunt. He shows nothing, he reveals nothing, he IS nothing. His suits are gray, his office is gray, and his hair is gray. I can't stand it when people give him emotion behind that blasted desk of his. While it was revealed that he is married, that doesn't mean he has some hidden feelings related for the job. He does not care about Alex, and if Alex ever died, it would just be more paper work. The only reason he cares about keeping him alive is so Alex can be used again. The man is cold, and should be kept that way.

In Scorpia Rising, we get to see how far Blunt is willing to go to get the job done. Personally, that was a sign that Blunt had gone a little off the deep end, so make sure you write him ruthless.

* * *

_7. Tulip Jones_

Smell that kids, no, it's not a tulip, it's a peppermint! While she's probably trying to give up smoking, be creative on why she's constantly sucking a peppermint. Maybe she likes her breath sweet because she orders the death of men on a regular basis. Maybe she was married to a peppermint factory worker. Maybe she's paid in peppermints. Maybe maybe maybe.

Appearance for Jones is a bit tricky. At one point she is described as pale, another as dark. Black hair, black eyes, kinda butch. By the end of Scorpia Rising, she got the head job, despite the fact that she had the job long enough for Scorpia to collect a decent profile on her. She also has a cat.

At one point, we learn that she had her family taken from her. I honestly can't believe that this didn't become the plot for a future book, but whatever. The fact that she once had kids really makes what she does to Alex even more wrong. Oh she's always worried about him, but she never puts her foot down about using Alex because in the end, he is always used again. Jones is just as bad as Blunt in some ways, and given a few years, I could easily see her becoming Alan Blunt in heels.


	4. Brecon Beacons and K Unit

Okay, you guys really need my help on this one.

* * *

_8. Brecon Beacons_

Before I try and dive into the mess that's K Unit, I'd like to straighten a few things out about the training camp. BB is a giant national park in Southern Wales. It has huge hills and is mostly moorland, or fields to non Brits. There are a couple of forests, some waterfalls, some caves, and some lakes. It's a good place for tourists to do lots of fun outdoor activities.

The SAS use BB twice a year for training exercises that generally only last for four weeks. Most of the exercises involve hiking and endurance training. It is not a full time training camp, but I doubt that'll stop any writers on this site.

Usually four out of five people fail the full training for the SAS. These aren't regular soldiers; this is a special branch which makes it even more unlikely that kids would be thrown into the mix.

The largest failure with this trope is the amount of research people put into it. Usually, that amount is none. How hard is it to look up BB on Wikipedia?

* * *

_9. K-Unit_

What has got to be the most overused trope ever to appear on . KU has appeared in Stormbreaker, Point Blanc, and Snakehead. Each time they have had minor roles, and yet the people on this board have given them a life of their own. This is because a person on this site by the name of Amitia gave them personalities and everyone decided they wanted Amitia's character's in their stories so they used them. Eventually it got to a point where it was thought weird if KU didn't act like a bunch of grown up children. While originality has never been a strong point on the AR category, it's still pretty bad.

**Wolf**

Wolf in Canon: Leader of K Unit. Bit on the short side, muscular, mid-twenties, black hair, brown eyes, broken nose. Skin color is 'olive', possibly brown as in the movie. Scared of heights. Is a Jerk.

Wolf in FF: Still a Jerk, except when he's busy being a role model for Alex. Usually is balanced somewhere between hating Alex and really hating Alex. Except when he feels like being bff with him.

Solution: Treat him like a soldier. He'll do as he's told, and Point Blanc showed that he matured somewhat.

Better Solution: Don't use him at all. Use your imagination and make your own soldier. In the last two AR books, Alex got help from soldiers besides K Unit. Nothing is special about K Unit.

**Eagle**

Eagle in Canon: We know absolutely nothing about Eagle. There was nothing online and I even went back and read the book.

Eagle in FF: An extremely immature hyper active kidlike adult. The exact opposite of what the military wants.

Solution: If you put him in your story, make him your own character.

**Snake**

Snake in Canon: Has a Scottish accent, fair hair, and a lithe body. The only member of KU not to be a complete dick to Alex.

Snake in FF: Is for some reason a medic. Why did Snake get to be the medic? Maybe Eagle is the medic? The only thing I've ever seen Snake do in FF is poke Alex's bullet wound say how bad it is. So really, he's not even a very good medic.

Solution: Actually do research on whatever wounds Snake is trying to heal. Gauze does not fix anything.

**Fox/ Ben Daniels**

Fox in Canon: The youngest member of KU, he's in his early twenties, dark hair, and blue eyes. Fox is the one who killed Ash. He was shot by Major Yu, but lived.

Fox in FF: You might as well call Fox daddy. For some reason Alex will usually trust Fox over anyone else in the story. While it is revealed that Fox is much less of a dochebag than Wolf, the whole father/brother relation is a bit of a stretch.

Solution: If you are going to have a father/son connection with him and Alex, then you have to use something stronger than one mission to create that bond.


	5. Injuries, OC Spies, and Females

_10. Injuries_

I know I've covered a bit about this already, but I feel like I need to go over it again.

Too many times have I read that Alex thought he might have broken ribs. I once bruised my ribs while surfing and it hurt to breathe for over a week, let only do anything else. Broken ribs isn't something you can slap a band aid on, or even put on a cast. It requires a long time doing absolutely nothing in order to heal.

Now for some quick pointers:

I said it once, and I'll say it again. Gauze does not heal anything.

Broken bones take weeks to heal. Everyone should know that.

The bullet wound is no longer a big deal.

If Alex has just been rescued from a long and happy vacation at a Scorpia torture facility, MI6 aren't going to send him to BB for recovery. They would actually they and heal him so that he could be used again.

If Alex is tied to a whipping post, anything over twenty lashes is going to knock him unconscious. Fifty can kill a man, and would definitely kill Alex. Clearly people don't understand the concept that having your skin stripped off your back is more painful than you can imagine.

* * *

_11. OC Spies and Females_

"Hello Alex, I want you to meet Alexis. She's a spy for the CIA and she has been on more missions than you and is better than you in every way because she has been a spy her whole life. Despite the fact that your partners on missions always seem to die, we're going to pair you up in the hope that you make babies and give us a race of super awesome spies."

This trope is for girls who wish they were Alex rider. Also common is making Alex a girl, or giving him a twin.

First off, do not name your character anything close to the name Alex. It's stupid and unlikely. For all intents and purposes, you might as well name her Mary Sue. You see boys and girls, Alexis has no weakness. She can do everything Alex can and more, despite the fact that at some point in the story, she will be kidnapped and tortured. And then only Alex can help heal her because love heals all…

The more flaws you give Alexis, the less Mary Sue like she will become. Give her a drinking problem, drug addictions; have her be a total bitch the entire story.

And while we're on the topic of girls, we all know that they are in love with Alex the moment they lay eyes on him, despite the fact that he's a druggie and takes place is gang wars after school. If you can't tell by reading his guide, I like to stick to the cannon. Cannon means Alex is with Sabina. I know that you hate Sabina and want her dead so that you can marry Alex some day and have lots of spy babies, but let's be realistic. Alex can't have a girlfriend that he has to lie to every other minute to keep safe.

* * *

As of the moment this is all that I have written. If you think that I have missed anything big or you would like me to add another chapter, please tell me, otherwise the guide stays as it is.


End file.
